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  • 9

being stuck in a construct of walls. from where I could leave, but then I would fall.

solely with hope to breathe again. don’t know where to go, don’t know where it will end.

I see the doors. they’re watching me. crawlin’ on all fours. trying to reach, what will set me free.

the bluebird bears me company. it sings and chirps every day for me.

it does what it does best, but I only want to rest.

everything feels hollow. it’s so hard to follow. don’t know what I know. the eyes so tired. enhanced fuel required. eating until my stomach bursts. sleeping it away, to put an end to being accurst.

want to quit survival mode. perception is an overload.

too loud.

too bright.

too big of a crowd.

too much in sight.

I’m staying here, where it is calm. I’m staying near the ticking time bomb.

the longer I stay.

the longer I wait.

the longer the day.

the more life’s sedate.

every so often, I have visiting hours. some can’t come, others come with flowers. my security guard doesn’t let everyone in. guests are returning, guests are waiting.

it’s not very funny though, how many thieves are using the bell. they just want to show off, how easily you can be put under a spell. they come and steal. the most valuable things. while they conceal, what the bluebird sings.

I still remember. the day you knocked. and asked me to open the door. didn’t know what for, didn’t know who you were. so, I decided to lock it and go.

I heard you talking and praying and begging. just to take a glimpse inside this room. you were heading towards me with a new façade. on every occasion with a new costume.

I told you there were no lights. I told you that you needed a flashlight. despite that, you were so self-assured, but you still never expected it to be like that in here.

you were used to these rooms. you lived in a room. you didn’t want to stay. went out the emergency exit and ran away.

there were many people knocking at my door. some were actually really close to getting in, but loneliness isn’t so lonely, when you don’t know it any better.

sorry I left you waiting in the cold. wanted to know if you’d stay and you didn’t.

© Sarah Pilgerstorfer 2022-07-04


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