You tried your best, you meant well, and still, you fucked up. You feel that you should just have let it be, but you could not. You wanted to make it right, and all you did was make it worse.
You wanted to explain, to win trust but ultimately you apparently scared him like hell. Or whatever. You don't actually know since the silence is deafening. You wonder how deep a void can be? How much the unspoken, the never said hurts. How it tears you apart from the inside out. How your thoughts try to fill the gaps and the silence. Like sand that seems to run through an hour glass. Until there is nothing left.
Patience was never yours in the frist place. How to wait for something that might never come? Playing it cool is no option. You missed that train, could have boarded it but decided to take a different route. What ifs don't help you now. You put yourself out there and got hurt. That is life. Makes you feel alive I guess in some weird and akward way.
You feel like you fucked up but then maybe you did not. Who knows?
© Sabine Doods 2021-08-16