… continuation from The Funny Thing About Anxiety - Part I
Do you know when it gets really perfidious? When the Poltergeist manages to make you anxious without moving as much as an eyelash. When things have been good for quite a long time, easy, simple. Then, all of a sudden, you get suspicious, so you wait for it. You wait for the scary music. You wait for the characters to move differently, turn around, look you in the eyes and show you their decayed Zombie faces. You wait for the sun to turn dark, the flowers to go rotten and the birds to die. You wait, simply because things have been going far too well. He, the Poltergeist, is not here. He left his smell though and the memory of the sound of his laughter is moving through the atmosphere. He does not have to do anything in order to get you here. You are nervous, simply because you have not felt nervous in a while. You do not trust the silence or the peace within yourself. It has rarely been trustworthy. And BAM: There is your anxiety attack. The Poltergeist? Nowhere in sight. It was all you. He must be so proud of his work.
So, where do you go from here? Do you listen to ten TED Talks about accepting your anxiety, because it is evolution’s way of keeping you safe? Do you find out what solutions Google Search has to offer? Do you cry to a friend? Maybe having a dog could help. What would your therapist say? Is it entirely your fault after all?
These questions rob your mind. People will tell you that you are the captain of the boat that symbolizes your mental health. You decide where it is going. However, the door to the control cabin is locked and the only key is with your Poltergeist.
To me, it is scary to realize that I am my worst and seemingly only enemy, but it is also a blessing, because no one is closer to me than I am. No one knows me the way I do. My Poltergeist may be the only one holding the key to the control cabin, but I am the only one who actually knows how to crack the door open and change the lock.
Even if right now, I have forgotten how to do so. Even if it will take all my amounts of power, endurance and sanity to overcome this. I will get back what my Poltergeist stole from me. If I do not believe it, who will?
© BLU 2022-04-05