The funny thing about anxiety (and by funny, I mean the most f*ucked up, annoying thing) is, that at a certain point, you get anxious about being anxious. It sounds weird, but I can explain.
It is like in a horror film, when the characters move slower and the music becomes creepier and you realize that no bad things have happened for a long period of time, so you know sh*t is about to go down.
Now imagine that very scene, only that said sh*t, never actually goes down. Nothing happens. The characters keep moving slowly. The music stays creepy. The scenery is dark and scary and your heart is at the peak of its beat barometer. Still nothing happens. You know something will happen, so you stay alert. But you cannot stay alert forever. It is exhausting and harming to your soul and body. However, more than that, it is completely useless, since nothing, absolutely nothing, is happening.
Yet, this is where some of us are stuck so many times. At that nervous feeling that sh*t is about to go down. This voice telling you: “Something terrible is going to happen. Stay ready. You probably will not survive this anyway, but stay ready. Do not sleep!” That little voice is the a**hole who I refer to as my Poltergeist, my worst enemy who has silenced all of my dearest friends. The most nerve-racking part is that he does not even need the scenery. While the horror film prepares you with the music, the dark lights, the slow motion of time, my Poltergeist does not need any of that. It is beneath him, since he is already the Master-Mindf*cker. No, he lets you know that sh*t is about to go down during bright daylight, in the middle of a park with all the birds singing and flowers blooming. Sh*t is about to go down. You just know it. You know it, because the Poltergeist told you so. And BAM: There is your anxiety attack.
to be continued in The Funny Thing About Anxiety - Part II
© BLU 2022-04-05