A headache woke me up.
I got up.
Washed my face.
Ate my cereal.
The world floated, it had been floating for a long time, I liked to watch the saucer of the sky flip the big white cat, who sometimes burned me with his gaze.
I stood up.
But did I sit down?
Where was I?
The kitchen, right, the kitchen, the water.
I was thirsty. I opened the faucet and started drinking water straight from it, water was pouring down the collar of my pyjamas. I didn't know when I had time to change yesterday. I didn't know how I got home in the first place.
I was somewhere far away, right, I remembered the train, there were people around me, wearing dirty clothes and laughing wildly.
I liked it. Something about it I definitely liked.
I watched the water swirl around in the sink and go straight down the pipes into the whirlpool of sewage.
I wondered if crocodiles really lived down there, if I got down there, what were the chances of a green alligator crawling towards me.
Would he eat me? For some reason, I thought he was more likely to think that I wasn't tasty enough and would only bite my arm off in frustration and swim back into the sewage.
Wherever those waters led, but hardly where I wanted to be.
Every thought went through a series of obstacles before finding itself smothered by me.
If fire engulfed this kitchen, what the flames would look like dancing on the walls, how exactly would the fire lick the parquet. Surely my skin would blister and the thick smoke would drive my lungs crazy.
Would it be beautiful or horrible?
How awful could it be? What will be left of me in it all?
Sometimes I was afraid of my own thoughts and only the pills and the sound of your voice kept me from doing something stupid .
This flat is too empty without you, it shouldn't be like that, but it is.
I was afraid that if every crazy thought in my head was talked about, you would soon tire of the madness and leave me alone with this horrible fickle world.
The headache woke me up.
I was not happy to wake up and to face this morning, but not that I had a choice. Sitting at the table in the kitchen, I heard the sound of the front door opening, and a minute later I saw a worried you in an old jacket. You were holding a bag of food, which you soon put on the floor and walked over to me.
I am ready to take pills from your hands for the rest of my life, be it cyanide or the elixir from heaven.
Before I knew it, the headache was gone and I felt strong enough to get through the morning.
© Delimor 2022-08-14