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Night Companion

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A gentle breeze hits my skinbefore it starts, so take it in.

Appreciative in thought, I thinkhow bright the colors; blue, yellow, pink.

I know what’s coming, been there beforeyet every time deeper to the core.

The sweetest smells, the humblest soundsoon they’ll be gone, so I can't feel them now.

Stigma makes himHide itAvoidance breaks him down, alwaysMimicking othersEngaging till he drownsShame

It creeps upon me, slow at first, then fast, fast, fast.A doubt, then anger, fury, fear, forgotten is the past.Broken trust, betrayal, one push here, then one there.Paranoia got the best of me, now next to me, an empty chair.jealousy

The night brings his companion, an audacious, brazen friend.He pours his heart into my soul. He only visits me.A faithful burning gloom and I can’t help to think what great honour I received.Soon he too will leave me, as the sun comes up and brings new winds, new days, new visitors.When all I want is to hold onto the past a little while longer.nostalgia

How are you? They asked.But it was impossible to answer.for she felt a storm, a light, the universe.So all she said was fine.

My best friends have four walls.I cry my little secrets to themwhen everything gets dark.I scribble them on the walls, out of context, in no order.Just a mumbled spill of fears and questions and pleads toward life.These walls know me better than anyone, better than I know myself.They don’t tell, they don’t judge.What an intimate relationship we have, me and my best friends, the bathrooms.

I know you.You know me.I hate both of us and everyone for it.

I want to plunge deep and run far.I want to give in and not let go.I don’t need you but I want you.I want the past but I never want to go back.

How do you always do that?depression

I even am a burden to my own body.

I pity my thoughts.Because even though they are

harmfuldestructiveself-loathingand the roots of my evil

they are so lonely.

I'm constantly moved. Arms, legs, fingers and toes.Pulling me in every direction.Twisting, turning, bending, stretching.Restlessly stressed.

So how am I still in the exact same spot I’ve been in for years?

© Alice Christ 2022-08-10

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